Setting an example

Setting an example

It’s really ironic how a conversation can spark up memories of your past. While in the chat room one night, a member was sharing, and mentioned how her father had taken her into the bars with him, when she was a child.
This brought up a lot of memories for me. My first child was born in 1969, and my wife and I were heavy into the "party life style" of the times. These were the days of the Hippie movement, and in my circle of "friends" there was a lot of drugs and alcohol in our everyday lives. We were very open in our home with the drugs, smoking pot, and doing other drugs and a lot of drinking.
"Friends" and other drinking and using family members would constantly stop in and the parties were never ending. My second and third were born in 1973 and 1976 respectively. Still the drugs and alcohol, parties, and "friends" continued. We did not try to hide our addictions in front of our children, and I know that it must have had some effect on the ideals that were instilled in their little heads.
I can remember taking the little ones with me to the bar and having them wait in a booth or car, while I consumed a couple of drinks or beers or coped some drugs. I remember taking them fishing and always having a 6 pack or a joint to smoke. Family trips in the car always had me driving with a beer between my legs the whole trip. In fact, I don't think I ever went anywhere without that beer. I drank and drove my entire life. I can't remember ever doing anything without some type of mind altering drug. (Alcohol IS a drug)
Is it any wonder WHY the boys are into THEIR addictions today? Did I set an example for my children? Did I have an effect on them, when I showed up to the baseball and football youth teams they were on drunk or loaded?
The answer to these questions lies heavy in my heart. I realize that I can't change what has been done, but it still doesn't stop me from feeling guilty today.
I am now 63 years old, and have been clean and sober for over 9 years. I do my best to forgive myself for the past life and it helps.
I can only hope that by sharing this with some of the younger members that have children, that you may realize what effect we have as parents on our children. In our alcoholism and addictions, we sometimes have no realization on what effect we have on the little ones.
Don't wait until they are grown, as I did, to change your life style. REMEMBER, that you are the parents, and what you do, will be what your children grow up with and think is NORMAL?
I don't know if this makes sense to anyone, but when things bother me, I find that it helps to talk or write about it.
Anyone else have anything to add on this subject?
Mike