Emotional control

Emotional control

I've been able to control my emotions (at least most of them, lol) most of my life. By control I mean my outward control. My wife says that I have very little emotion, but that’s what shows on the outside. My insides feel emotion; it's just that I don't express them to others. One emotion I did express most of my life was anger. I’m glad that anger isn’t an issue in my life these days.

The last few weeks, my wife has been going thru some physical events that have affected me to the point that I haven't been able to do some of the things in the ways that I think are right. One of those things is posting how I feel about things. When I post and share my thoughts, usually the words just seems to flow. But I’m finding out that they only flow when I’m feeling good about things going on around me. Holding back my emotions these days affects how I think and what I write. I’ve been trying to write things the last few weeks, but I’m like the author that has a wastepaper basket full of crumpled up sheets of paper. Instead of paper, my “Trash” folder is full on my computer, lol.

I don’t claim to be any great writer, but I do try to write how I feel and what I’m thinking. I also try to take into consideration that what I write will not offend others. That can be an almost impossible feat in itself, as there always seems to be someone that won’t agree. That still doesn’t deter me from writing what comes out. It’s just that what comes out, I’d like to at least make some sense, lol. This hasn’t been happening in the last few weeks, and maybe some may think it NEVER does, lol again. But I will still write and post my thoughts.

My wife is finally started getting better from her vertigo, and we had a wonderful day yesterday, taking our dog for a walk (run), and did some shopping together. It’s been almost 2 months since she has had such a great day. I feel when SHE has a great day, I have a great day. I could really tell that it had an effect on the way I think, as my mind started working overtime to make up for the last couple of months.

I can only pray that my wife continues to get better, so that we can both enjoy doing the things we like. Today is her birthday, so I won’t be doing much for myself today, lol.

So in closing, I guess I’m not so in control of my emotions as I thought. Holding them inside is tough, but sometimes it’s better than laying them on someone else. Have to find that happy medium and then talk out what I need to, to a mediator (sponsor) that will listen to me.

Have a great day everyone

Mike