Confusion

Blurry Thinking - Identifying the Static in your mind

You know things are working well when images on the TV screen are sharp, clear, and accurate. When the picture is fuzzy, wavy, snowy, or has lots of static, something's wrong. There is a lot of interference. There are problems in seeing the shows the way they are really meant to be viewed. They are distorted pictures. When you have strong feelings, it is common for you to have fuzzy, unclear, and inaccurate views of yourself, your experiences, other
 people, and the future. Strong negative feelings are connected with distorted thoughts or cognitions. Your thoughts are blurry images of yourself and the world around you. Think about working a complete jigsaw puzzle. You try very hard to fit the pieces together. When the pieces fit easily, they match. When they don't match, they collide against each other and do not fit together. The world around you and your thoughts about yourself and your experiences are pieces of the same puzzle. It's important that they fit together and match. Often, when you feel sad or depressed, your negative image of yourself does not match the way you really are. The picture you hold of yourself is distorted in some way. When you learn to identify and correct the distortions, your depressed feelings may decrease.

Forms of Blurry Thinking - do any apply to you?

Jumping to Conclusions: Making judgments before you know all the facts or making judgments before considering all the information.

• Mind reading: Believing someone has a negative opinion of you without checking it out with him or her.

• Fortune telling: Predicting things will turn out badly

• Catastrophizing: Expecting the worst to happen or when something bad does happen, believing the worst thing that could occur.

Discounting and filtering: Paying lots of attention to negative events, neglecting positive experiences, or rejecting positive experiences by saying they don't count or mean anything.

Should statements: These are very strict rules you set for yourself and others. They work against self-acceptance and accepting others. Often guilt is associated with should statements and apply to yourself, and anger/resentment is connected with should statements you apply to others.

Personalization and self-blame: You see yourself as the total cause of something bad happening when, in fact, you had nothing or very little to do with it.

All-or-nothing thinking: These beliefs frequently include absolutes and extreme rules or categories. Often, words such as always, never, completely, totally, and perfectly are involved.

Overgeneralization: Believing that if something is true in one instance it's true for all instances and/or viewing a single negative event as an example of continuous, total, never-ending patterns. Drawing big conclusions from small bits of information.

Labeling and blaming: This is a form of name calling which is directed at another person.

Emotional Reasoning: This involves basing your judgments, decisions, and conclusions exclusively on your feelings. Guilt, hopelessness, anger, and anxiety often contribute to emotional reasoning. Remember, the thing that makes emotional reasoning a form of blurry thinking is that feelings change, so the decisions and judgments you make when you are feeling very stressed are not the same as when you are not stressed. Feelings are unreliable. But they are always correct.

When we can't find the answers to "Why," we need to find answers for "What." I hope you remember that statement.

So, why am I confused? Being in the state of confusion occurs when we are in the right place and time to learn something new! Being confused about everything means that the way we are living no longer works for us. Your model of living no longer answers "what" you need. It means that reacting to others (or yourself or environment) no longer works and that something fundamental is missing from your life. Being confused means that what we have been taught no longer answers our instinctive questions. Being confused means that we are ripe to accept a new concept. Confusion is a normal state of being human and being imperfect. The state of confusion is a necessary antecedent for change! We do not change when we are sure of where we are. We only change when we are uncomfortable, in pain, and confused.

Welcome confusion. Know that it is the beginning of something new. Confusion means uncertainty. It means that we are willing to take a risk and try something unfamiliar. But most of all, it means that we are ready for change. Our training (the way we've been taught and the way we practiced living our lives) teaches us that it is important to always be in control, even of things we cannot control. Confusion means that we are no longer comfortable with the training. It sets the stage for risk taking. If we were not confused, then we would not be willing to change.

Think of how confusing it must be to be an infant in a world that she or he does not understand and that she or he has not yet learned to communicate with. What does the infant do? She or he tries everything, and everything is a new behavior, to make sense of the environment and he or she risks all to communicate. And it works. The infant learns how to communicate, how to get along, and how to do what he or she needs to do. No matter how old we are chronologically, we are all infants when we begin to learn how to have self-esteem.

If you are confused, take all sensible risks. Try anything that might work. And if one thing does not work, try another. Eventually you will come to the conclusion that you cannot find what you need outside of yourself. You will discover that all paths lead to the same place and that place is the center of yourself. If you want to learn how not to be confused, study the concept of paradox. Accept yourself as confused and allow yourself to be uncertain. As soon as you do this, you will be less confused. Rejoice in your confusion as a positive vehicle for change and as soon as you rejoice, you will become less confused. Look for the answers within yourself, and you will become more secure that the answers are there. Enjoy your confusion and let go of the idea that you have any control over it. As soon as you let go, you will become surer of yourself. Paradox works. Confusion is a positive state! It means that you are human and that you do not know all the answers and that you are okay. You cannot be confused and also believe that you are perfect. You cannot be confused and be the victim of the Weak Ego. The state of confusion is similar to the state of grace; when you give in and accept that you do not know and are not all powerful, you are closer to spirit of change than when you are not confused and think you know.