Change, as I see it

Change, as I see it
by Milkman Mike

This was a share I did in one of our online meetings a couple of years ago. It’s still how I feel today and thought I’d share it with ya all.


I picked "Change" as a topic tonight, because I guess I'm seeing a lot of it in my life today.

Things are changing in several different parts of my life, some of it I like and some of it I don't

There’s change in my home life, change in my work life, spiritual and in my life in the program

The dictionaries meaning of change is to exchange for or replace with another

to give a completely different form or appearance to; transform, to go from one phase to another

Of course there are other definitions but for ME, change is going from one level to another, or having things different than what they were

In my life, I have undergone many changes, in personality, spirituality, employment, relationships and much more

Some of these have had negative results and a few positive, lol

The last 6 years, I WILL have to say, there have been more positive than negative.

Reason being, I got CLEAN AND SOBER!!!

Some of the changes in my life might have seemed small, but when you put a lot of small changes together, you're able to be transformed into someone you never thought you could be

at least that’s the way it was and is for ME

To change, I had to WANT that change

want something different than what I’d been accustomed to, what I was sick and tired of

my life seemed like it was coming to an end before I got clean and sober

I had lost everything of value and then some

I had no pride, ambition, or self-respect left in my life.

I had lost my wife, family, home and all material things I had acquired in my life

I had hit the homeless shelter, and felt like a vagabond

I'm sure you've heard the expression "I was saved when they locked me up"

That's the way it was for me. Even though I had been in and out of jails and prisons ALL of my adult life,

the topping off the cake was in Oct. of 2000, when I was facing 5 years (once again) in prison

My wife had called the cops on me because of not living up to the promises I had made to stay sober

I had to humble myself and beg for a program, even though my thoughts were still on beating the system and the time duration of a lengthy prison sentence

They kept me in long enough so that I had time to acquire the tools to help me make the changes, and change I did

Even though I knew I need change, I didn't know how to go about it until I went thru the programs that were mandated on me

I learned to be open minded, honest with myself, and WILLING to change, something new to me

I had to realize that the things I had been doing, were not going to change, unless I changed the way I was doing them

LIVING LIFE! That's what I had been doing wrong!!

I didn't know HOW to live, without a drink or a drug in me

I had to have that drink in the morning to kick start my day

and once that first went down, there were many to follow for the day, not ending until late at night or until I passed out

I had to change my friends, my hangouts, what I did in my free time, and my way of thinking

I went to meetings and made new friends, and that’s where I hung out in the first couple of years

I did the 12 steps as they were suggested and kept going to meetings. This was a BIG change for me



As time went on, my desire to change from those old ways, got stronger

The forced changes I had made, were finally becoming habits and normal for me

It wasn't easy at first, because those little voices inside my head kept talking to me to go back out there

But the changes had affected my thinking and I remained clean and sober

Today, I’m looking forward to some changes that may or may not happen in the next couple of weeks. If they do, I’ll be ready for them, and if they don’t happen, then I’ll still be grateful for what I have

I think I’ve said enough, so I’ll give some of you others a chance to tell us about how change has affected you

Thanks

Milkman Mike